


Of Children and Bats

by StrangeBirdie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Beta Read, Parenthood, Severitus | Severus Snape is Harry Potter's Parent, Swearing, also minnie is a badass, at all, do with that what you will, just accept that while you can, only a bit but there is the F word, this is for fun ok self isolation is winning the fight against my morals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23813356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeBirdie/pseuds/StrangeBirdie
Summary: This whole thing was written on the idea of picturing a brooding Severus Snape in a bright and cheery kindergarten classroom.Also I'm very American (save me), so any references to the UK's education system are automatically Useless and Not To Be Taken Seriously.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall & Severus Snape
Comments: 13
Kudos: 60





	Of Children and Bats

_This is not happening. This is not happening. What the everloving fuck?_

These were the thoughts that filled one Severus Snape’s mind as he gaped at a myriad of rainbow colors and cartoon characters that hung along the wall. He was going to be sick.

The morning had started out normal enough. The dungeon bat had woken up to the dark and to the mildewy smell of his quarters. Just the way he liked it.

But then, the Headmaster called him to his office with a mischievous twinkle in those eyes of his. Like he knew something Severus didn’t. And indeed that had been the case.

“Severus, my boy,” he greeted warmly, disregarding the man’s withering stare.

There was a long pause, “You called for me, Headmaster?”

“Yes, I did. Lemon drop?”

A man as infamous and feared as Severus Snape did _not_ eat lemon drops. He sneered.

“No? Alright, then. More for me.” _Where did he even acquire so many of those infernal things to begin with?_

“If that is all, Headmaster, then-”

“Ah, my apologies. I merely had a favor to ask of you.”

Another sneer, “Do get on with it, Headmaster.”

“Yes, well, the boy-”

“ _What_ boy?”

“We’ll be here all day if you keep interrupting me, Severus,” the twinkle left his eyes, “You know the one. The-Boy-Who-Lived. Harry Potter.”

“Oh yes,” he spat, “ _That_ boy.”

“Well,” Dumbledore said calmly, “I was wondering if you might check on him for me.” At that statement, the air in the room grew heavy. You could hear a pin drop.

“Why,” breathed Severus, “do you want me to check on Potter?”

From his perch, Fawkes made an unfortunate croaking noise, like he’d had all the air sucked from his lungs.

Dumbledore pursed his lips, “I have,” he started, “Reason to fear for his safety. I’m worried about him.”

“If you are so worried for him, Headmaster, perhaps you should check on him yourself.”

The man shrank before his very eyes, “My boy, I am afraid the situation is a bit more delicate than that.”

“What could possibly be delicate about it? Surely the boy is fine where he is, spoiled with all the love and attention he could ever need.” Severus Snape was _not_ bitter about it, _he was not_.

“About that,” Dumbledore barely had the words out before he was sent a sharp glare, one he most certainly did not shiver in fear at, “I have been given reason to believe otherwise. Do you remember the wards?”

“How could I _not_ remember the wards?” It was one of the only things the Headmaster went on about regarding the boy.

The words came quickly, panicked in a single breath, “Well, the wards are down.”

Bats did not gasp in shock, and they most certainly didn’t stare at headmasters with wide eyes and a mouth that opened and closed like a fish, “ _The wards are what?_ ” One would think him to be speaking parseltongue, with all the hissing he was doing.

“The wards. I thought it would be alright, and that the boy’s aunt would grow to love him as her own. But I do not think that is the case.”

“His aunt?”

“Yes.”

“HIS AUNT?”

Dumbledore flinched, “Yes.”

 _What the fuck_ , “What the fuck?”

Oops, he hadn’t meant to say that.

And thusly, they conversed about aunts named after flowers and little boys being chased after by Dark Lords, and by the end of such a conversation Severus had agreed to check up on one Harry James Potter.

Which is how he found himself standing in the middle of a primary school classroom.

_Because that makes complete sense._

**Author's Note:**

> "Dumbledore said calmly"
> 
> guys you know what that means !!


End file.
